6) What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

Well, the hardest thing I have ever had to do was two things, but technically three. Don't worry; it will make sense eventually :)

The first thing I thought of was leaving my family at the airport. Twice. The first time was when I was headed to Sweden by myself, and having to leave them was just flat out horrible.

Technically had to leave me the second time. We said goodbye at the in-laws house. Joel and I were headed out on our honeymoon the next morning, and my family left Sweden a few days after us. It was a quick goodbye, like a band-aid. A horribly sticky band-aid that left a bunch of sticky goo on my arm. And might have taken a few arm hairs with it. The worst part was not knowing when I would see them again, even though I knew it would be eventually.... just not an exact time. 
(side note- I have thought a lot about this! With my situation living in Sweden I get to skype and talk to my family whenever I can (if they are awake) but I don't know an exact date to when I can see them next. Missionaries on the other hand have an exact date when they return home, but they can only communicate through letters/emails for 1½-2 years. Which way would you prefer? Live away from your family and not know when you will move back, but you can talk to them whenever you want... Or be on a mission for two years, knowing when you would come home, but rarely being able to talk to them? Did that make any sense??)

The third time that was the hardest was saying goodbye to Joel after he left the states, 2 weeks after we got engaged. For 6 months. I didn't feel engaged really because my fiancé wasn't with me for 98% of that time. Maybe closer to 99%.. haha! It was a LOOOONG time.

The hardest part of that was the night before when we had time to think about what was actually happening. He was leaving, and we were going to be planning a wedding over seas... The only way it worked out was to have someone plan it over there. I think the only things I got to plan were the cake and the colors of the wedding. Everything else was a surprise! Which was soooo nice. Luckily I wasn't one of those girls who had their wedding planned out since they were 5...

Our last night together, just a few short weeks after being engaged, Joel had to leave back to Sweden. This is his version of our last night together:

The days had passed away in an tempo almost unrealistic. All day I had to fight hard not to be overwhelmed by tears and emotion of the fact that I was spending my last hours with her for a painfully long time. We woke up early and went out to a restaurant and got some breakfast, we hiked a mountain in the beautiful and snow-less weather, we went to a trampoline park together with the family and finally we went out for dinner with the parents only for a proper farewell meal worthy of its name. We stayed up late as I packed and got ready for my departure the following morning. Mollie and I each received a priesthood blessing from her father and it bestowed comfort and peace. And then - the time had come.

It was late into the night as I said goodbye to the rest of the family members, went downstairs to my room and sat on my bed. With dimmed eyes, tears was on the brink of running down my cheeks. "We have to dance..", I told Mollie. Because on the very last night we spent together in Sweden at her first departure from me, we also stayed up late to pack her bags. For some reason we ended up slow dancing to a nice song (that later ended up being more or less "our" song) and so to keep up the tradition, I wanted to dance with her one last time - to that very song - before I left. I had listened to the song many times, but little did I expect how this songs lyrics would express what we both desired most right then. It starts: Stay with me, baby stay with me tonight, don't leave me alone. 


I silently let my tears flow as we embraced in our slow dance when the music began playing. Our sobs became louder and more frequent and after about half a minute, we helplessly and uncontrollably cried out loud. I have never liked goodbyes, matter a fact I have almost always hated them. I had experienced them many times due to my travels and people I'd met but it had never been as bad and hard as this. We cried and cried and just didn't want real life to catch up with us. I wanted to just stand there and embrace her forever, never letting go. I wanted to be strong and comfort her and tell her that everything was going to be alright, but I couldn't. I bawled without hesitation.

Coming back to Sweden felt like waking up from the best dream I'd ever experienced. Spending almost every awake minute together for three whole weeks had been more than just fantastic - it had been divine. Not for a single moment had we argued or had any disputes even though we went through some hard and very stressed times together.