Random Thoughts on Motherhood and Trials

I recently called my parents at 2 am Swedish time bawling my eyes out because Emma wouldn't stop crying. I guess there is a plus side of being 8 hours ahead ;) Thankfully I see a light at the end of the tunnel! A very small light haha. Emma has been sleeping horribly again, and is finally starting to eat better. It is crazy how a bad night can affect the next day... haha. Emma is getting two new teeth making a total of 10 teeth! Just when the thought crosses your mind, "Gosh I feel like a good mom! Baby is sleeping and eating good, I can conquer the world!" Then BAM. That good mood can go downhill pretty dang fast. It alway amazes me how much love I can feel for Emma. Especially when she is hurting and needs me, I can never contain my feelings when loving her better. My love cup completely runs over! Then there are the hard times when I can't help her, and that is the toughest part for me. Her cries pierce my heart and I am usually crying along with her.

I feel as though I finally have seen a glimpse how Heavenly Father feels about us. Wanting us to grow, learn, and have our own trials. I imagine it is similar to how I feel about Emma learning! We are working on teaching her to walk and walking around furniture with her right now, and she has always been nervous to fall or sit on her bum without our help. In my mind I'm thinking, "Come on babe you got this!! You have a diaper and lots of fat on that bum to catch your fall, you can do it! I'll be there for you no matter what, you'll be ok." Isn't that how Heavenly Father sees us? Wanting us to grow and develop, trying to tell us that He will be there when we fall and have trials? 

I mean, living in Sweden is hard. Living away from my family is hard. Learning a new language is dang hard! I always find it interesting to see what other people's trials and struggles are. While some might think it is cool I live in a foreign country, they might not understand the struggles and insecurities I have. For example... I feel guilty in almost every conversation I have in English knowing I have lived in Sweden for 2 and 1/2 years, and still struggle with the language. I am so darn hard on myself about learning Swedish!!

Anyways, I have been really hard on myself lately and comparing myself to others, so I have compiled this list of things I am good at instead of focusing things I struggle with:
- I am (usually) pretty good at having a clean house
- I try hard to stay in contact with mah friends in the states
- I am awesome at being obsessed with my husband... hehe
- I am SUPER great at cleaning up after Joel cooks for me ;)
- I'm really good at pretending I know what's going on when people speak Swedish around me
- Joel says I'm a good mother ;)
- I've been good at documenting Emma's life and taking tons of pictures
- I'm good at eating fairly healthy and being active (running to the train with a stroller haha)

I'd like to end this super random blog post with a picture of my sleeping baby. Who doesn't love a sleeping baby? :)

What are your talents? What are you good at?